


Can I make it up to you?

by AmethystMoon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Album: folklore (Taylor Swift), Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Car Sex, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Finn and Rose are Ben's best friends, Foster Care, HEA, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, No Pregnancy, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Promiscuous Ben Solo, Protected Sex, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is Not a Palpatine, Rey is a loner, Semi-Public Sex, Sex in a Car, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey, because he's lonely, safe sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25794973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmethystMoon/pseuds/AmethystMoon
Summary: What happens when two lonely souls try to find a sense of belonging in each other? And what happens when he's the one who messes it all up?A fic inspired by "Betty" by Taylor Swift"He didn’t want to admit how much he actually looked forward to seeing her in class. How his heart pounded when their eyes met as he walked in. How happy he felt when her face relaxed, as though she was relieved he showed up at all."
Relationships: Bazine Netal/Ben Solo, Finn/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 27
Collections: Reylo Folklore Flash Fic





	Can I make it up to you?

**Author's Note:**

> Better late than never, I always say. This has been a culmination of a lot of late night writing sessions (bc I'm a slow writer. SHHH) and I'm _still_ not done. RIP my eyeballs. I subject them to looking at screens for far too long. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: I highly recommend reading this on Ao3 because I used some formatting that will probably not translate over onto a reader app.
> 
> This fic was inspired by the track "Betty" from Taylor Swift's Folklore album. I had initially intended to write this as a drabble, but well... let's just say that there was a story that wanted desperately to be told. Who am I to refuse?
> 
> Anyways, I want to give thanks to a few people:
> 
> To [Jess](https://twitter.com/bobaheadshark) for organizing this fic challenge. It was my very first one and I had so much fun!  
> To [Sam](https://twitter.com/Fierybrunetttte) for being my alpha/beta reader and keeping me on task as best as you could.  
> And last, but not least, to [Romy](https://twitter.com/svalewayland) for making this beautiful moodboard. You're the best. T_T I love you.
> 
> Full disclaimer: there _IS_ an underage sex tag, to be on the safe side, but it's mostly implied and occurred in the past. It also occurs between characters of the same age (i.e., two 17 year olds). Any future explicit depictions of sexual acts will be between non-minors (18 years old).
> 
> This is based on the US school system, and I should also inform you that it's been over a decade since I was last in high school. Please take any inaccuracies with a grain of salt.

** Ben.  **

Ben had spent a lot of his time thinking about what kind of person he was. His teachers called him ‘brilliant, but unmotivated’. His mother called him ‘misguided’. His father affectionately called him a ‘punk’, but he wasn’t around very often to say it. Uncle Luke had a lot of things to say… none of which Ben gave a damn about now. In the end, however, he decided all on his own that he wasn’t a good person - maybe not a bad one, but definitely not a good one.

Good people were like Rey Johnson: studious, timely, approachable. She did things like help out in the library instead of eating with friends at lunch time, or help the janitor pick up trash after class on Fridays, when most people would be rushing home to start the weekend. 

She didn’t have to, but she wanted to. 

They shared a fifth period class together: study hall, right after lunch. At the beginning of the term, he found himself showing up to fifth period maybe only once or twice a week. It wasn’t until a call from school, and a bitching from his unrelenting mother about his excessive truancies - a solid five hours of “don’t you want to graduate in June, Benjamin?”- ensured that he started regularly attending his free period. Well... _most_ days. He kept a mental tally of how many truancies he could afford before being held back for another term.

On the first day of actual effort at showing up to his classes, he strolled into the library for their free study period fifteen minutes late, expecting to slink off to a back table somewhere where he could disappear. No one he actually cared about talking to was in there. No one even cared that he showed up at all.

Except Rey.

Her mouth hung slightly open, as she watched him walk to a table somewhere in a shadowed corner where the daylight could never quite reach. He challenged her gaze, by holding it in his, never turning away. She met his challenge without hesitation, and only when he seated himself in his tucked away little corner did she look away with a smile.

He thought about her smile for the rest of the period.

The following day she started the challenge as she stood by the doors, as though waiting for him to show up. He was met by an inscrutable expression, her eyes following him as he retreated back to the corner table. She smiled again when he sat down, but this time she didn’t look away. This became their dance for days, weeks, and months to come.

He didn’t want to admit how much he actually looked forward to seeing her in class. How his heart pounded when their eyes met as he walked in. How happy he felt when her face relaxed, as though she were relieved he bothered to show up at all. Or how the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled always made him want to grin right back - he never did, but the impulse was there. Little by little, he found himself creeping out of his shadow, and making his way towards her little table where the sun’s rays streamed across, highlighting the top of her head like a halo. She belonged there in the sun. 

And some days, he felt like he belonged there with her too.

Ben had seen her around campus the year before when she enrolled late into the first semester. He didn’t pay her much attention - there’d always been other... _distractions_. This was the first year they shared a class period together. Upon first glance, he noticed that she had hazel-colored eyes. In certain lights, the green was striking and he had found himself counting to three before forcing himself to look away. In hundreds of three-second snapshots, he created a portrait of her in his head. Her radiant smile, like the sun, and the constellation of stars dusting her face and shoulders usually lingered long in his mind. 

It haunted him throughout the day, all the way to his house where he’d lock himself in his room and rut into his hand, spilling out all thoughts of her with a grunt, the shame following soon after. Good girls like Rey Johnson didn't deserve to be thought of in that way, especially not by someone like him who was tainted by a constant low hum of sadness. His methods of coping were temporary, and a constant reminder that sex couldn’t fix the things that were wrong with him. But when he thought of her, the one great thing - maybe the best thing - to come out of his day, he felt hopeful. He wasn’t sure of many things; but, one thing was for certain: she was a tattoo on his mind, one he never wanted to get rid of.

More than half of the school year passed as fall entered the chill of winter, and winter then thawed into early spring. By late March, they still had never spoken out loud to one another. Study period was meant to be conducted in silence, and Mrs. Sampson, the head librarian in charge, was very strict about this rule. However, he was determined to hear her one way or another. So one day, before he could talk himself out of it, he took the seat beside her and made his move:

“Hi,” he said. He had contemplated offering his hand out for her to shake, but thought against it and folded his arms against his chest instead. 

Rey looked up from her studies, startled by his proximity. She took a quick look at their immediate surroundings before looking back at him. She regarded him carefully, raising her eyebrow as though to question if he meant to speak to her. 

Ben nodded. He’d been wanting to talk to her all year, to hear her voice. See her smile up close. He found himself suddenly wanting to know what her hand would feel like against his palm, and mentally kicked himself for deciding against it.

She bit her lip as though to keep from laughing, and he wondered what expression he must’ve had on his face to give her so much amusement. This put him at ease, and he decided to attempt his introduction again.

"I'm Ben."

Just as he was about to untuck his hand to offer it to her, Mrs. Sampson lifted her head from her desk and sent him a warning glare. Ben offered a grin and wave before she rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to processing returns or whatever the fuck she was doing. When he looked back at Rey, she was smiling.

He liked it.

She brought her finger up to her mouth and formed her lips into a silent ‘shh’ before flipping open her notebook and quickly writing something down. Before he could peak at the page, she had pushed the notebook to him. The message itself was simple, and the sweetness of it made him grin:

I’m Rey. Nice to meet you, Ben.  
  
---  
  
When he looked back up at her again, he noticed that she was watching him. Her eyes dropped down to her notebook and back up at his eyes, urging him to reply.

“Maybe I want to talk out loud,” he whispered. Maybe he wanted to hear her voice, is what he meant.

She shook her head and tapped lightly on the notebook with her pointer finger.

Ben sighed and took out a pen to write:

  
Not a rule breaker then?  
  
---  
  
He pushed the notebook back to her and looked at her face once again. She smiled widely this time, looking quite pleased that he had done what she wanted. She had the face of an angel, but the look she gave him made him think that she was probably quite devilish too. The thought of it made him shift in his seat as a certain appendage began to stir. He swore under his breath, cursing the way he had little to no control over his eighteen-year-old body.

  
Maybe I like that you don’t know what I sound like. Makes me kind of mysterious.  
  
---  
  
She was a mystery.

As a rule, girls - other than his best friend Rose - did not habitually speak to him unless it was for one thing: something he was very eager to offer, and quite good at, if their… _enthusiasm_ was anything to go by. Rey did not seem to be looking for _that_ sort of relationship with him - he wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or disappointed.

  
One might call you… a myste-rey.  
  
---  
  
He’s not sure what made him write something so lame, and almost wished he could take it back. There was something about her, though - something that made him want to be less cool around her, and more free. She also seemed like the sort to appreciate a bad pun, a theory that was proven soon after.

Rey giggled, causing the librarian to look up in search of the sound. By the time her searching eyes had made their way to their table, Rey was already looking back down at her notebook and writing as though nothing had happened. Mrs. Sampson turned her attention back to her task.

So he was right: Rey wasn't quite an angel after all. Something welled up inside of him: like pride. Like she was his to be proud of. Ben tried to expel that thought from his mind, when another thought intruded instead: her voice. He found himself desperately wanting to make her giggle like that again - it was the closest thing he had to hearing her voice, and even _that_ sounded like the prettiest thing he’d ever heard.

After waiting about 20 safe seconds, Rey slid the notebook back to him to resume their silent exchange:

She’s a pain about making sounds. And following rules. But she didn’t say anything about passing notes.  
  
I think it's an implied rule.  
  
Is it? I never knew that.  
  
---  
  
The impish grin on her face suggested that she did, in fact, know that.

Do you pass notes like this to all of your friends?  
  
No. I don’t really have any.  
  
---  
  
Ben looked up and Rey shrugged. Her admission bothered him more than he felt comfortable admitting. He was a sorry excuse for a human being most days, but even he had friends to talk to at school.

I don’t know how good of a friend I’d be. I barely show up to class as it is.  
  
You’ve been showing up lately.  
  
I have.  
  
What changed?  
  
---  
  
Ben decided not to answer her question.

  
Why do you always look for me?  
  
---  
  
Rey pressed the end of the pen to her lip in thought. Ben wondered if she even knew.

I just always felt like I knew you. Like we were the same.  
  
What?  
  
I want to get to know you.  
  
Why?  
  
I like you.  
  
---  
  
He looked up at her again, searching her face for the joke, for her to suddenly burst out laughing at him falling for some sort of sick prank. He didn’t want that. Not from her.

There was no hint of amusement in her expression.

He was about to start writing again before she stopped him unexpectedly by covering his hand with her own. The skin of her palm was rougher than expected against the back of his hand. He stared at the connection, and wondered if she could feel how his pulse quickened at her touch.

“Ben.”

The sound of her voice brought his attention back to her face. Her cheeks were flushed a soft tinge of pink. She looked so pretty with the warm light of the afternoon sun shining in through the window illuminating her features, catching the green in her eyes. He was almost too distracted to hear what she said next. 

Almost.

“I like you.”

Ben spent the rest of the day trying replaying her words and voice in his head. Thoughts of her haunted him once more, lingering long after the sun had set and the ambient noise had quieted to a hum, lulling him to sleep. 

That night he dreamt of her for the first time.

** Rey.  **

Rey was no stranger to being dropped into a new school in the middle of a term. It was no surprise to her that most people already had established friend groups. Most of them probably grew up with one another, and if any were new to the area like she was, they probably entered at the beginning of the school year and had ample time to make friends.

Rey moved to Laguna Beach to live with the Damerons, her new foster family, halfway through the first semester of her Junior year in high school. The Damerons were a respectable family, consisting of a woman named Shara, her husband Kes, and Poe, their 20 year old son who commuted to college from home. They were a respectable family, probably better than what she deserved. 

Shara was a strong woman who knew how to command a room. Kes was a fairly calm and quiet man who kept to himself, but Rey could see how much he doted on his wife and son. Poe was an extrovert, and hardly ever spent time at home. Based on her limited interactions with him, she knew that he had a tendency to act first and think later. 

It took two weeks for them to get used to each other - in fact, they could barely stand to be in the same room. After some time, and one instance of Shara threatening to lock them in a room together indefinitely if they didn’t get their acts together, they came to an impasse. Her opinion of him softened considerably after a weekend of him helping her put together a MALM bed from IKEA.

Even still, Rey felt like it might be nice to make some _actual_ friends - especially if this place was expected to be the last home she lived in before aging out of the system.

After about four weeks or so of adjusting, she found that most of her classmates were actually pretty nice; although, she didn’t necessarily think that she could see herself inviting them over to the Damerons’ on the weekend, or going down to Laguna Beach on a ditch day. Despite this, she made a valiant effort in asking to sit with some girls she met in her English class at lunch time.

That was also the first time she ever noticed Ben Solo. How she had never noticed him before was a mystery; Ben was a human tree. Rey hadn’t lived in California long enough to see an actual redwood up close, but she decided that Ben Solo was a walking, talking redwood. 

His lunch table was the one closest to the vending machines in the back of the cafeteria, where he ate lunch with a girl she had recognized from third period gym class named Rose and her boyfriend Finn. He sat with his back towards the machines with Rose and Finn sitting opposite from him, forming a wall that separated him from the rest of the student body. He slouched down in his seat, looking very much like he didn’t want to be there.

Rey sympathized.

But even shielded from the others and made to look as insignificant as he could, Ben Solo commanded her attention. And not just her attention, Rey soon found. Just his mere passing of Rey’s table was enough to encourage lively discussion. One of the girls, Sarah something-or-other, mentioned that he didn’t date.

“If he doesn’t date, then how do people know about _that?_ ” another girl named Sheena asked. This question garnered the attention of the entire group.

Sarah smiled and leaned in close, motioning for everyone else to do the same. Rey didn’t really care - she’d heard this kind of story before in every school she’d been in. Regardless, when Sarah nudged her, she leaned in too.

“You _definitely_ don’t need to be his girlfriend to get your guts rearranged, if you know what I mean.” Sarah then smiled in a way that made Rey suddenly want to punch her in the throat. “No questions asked, he’ll eat you out and fuck you within an inch of your life. And the best part is, you never have to get him off.”

The rest of the girls erupted into a fit of unhinged laughter; everyone but Rey. She separated from the huddle and chanced a glance over at his table again. His eyes furrowed and his lip was pushed out in a sort of pout. Her body tensed up at the intensity of his gaze. A strange mixture of guilt and dread filled her at the thought of being caught seeking him out, until she realized that he wasn’t necessarily looking at her, but at the other girls she was sitting with. 

Their boisterous chatter had drawn the attention of nearby passersby to their table, and the girls made no effort to disguise the topic of their discussion as they all stared unabashedly at him. Ben sunk lower into his seat and Rey felt a silent rage build inside of her. She didn’t know this guy, or if these claims about him were even true, but she knew what it was like to be talked about when people thought she wasn’t paying attention.

That was the last time Rey took a chance on making friends.

Even now, at the start of her senior year, Rey preferred the company of the likes of Mrs. Sampson - who didn’t mind her presence so long as she was quiet and helped her sort through returns every once in a while - and Elias the elderly janitor - who was so appreciative when Rey stayed late on Friday afternoons to help him pick up littered food wrappers and half-empty bottles of lukewarm soda in the grass. She liked the quiet, mindless tasks that provided her with an excuse not to join others at lunch in the cafeteria, or at the mall after school.

Every now and then, she’d see Ben Solo lying on the shady patch of grass by the bleachers with his headphones on and his arm shielded over his eyes, as though to shut the world out. She spent the better half of the last year watching him, discreetly seeking him out in the crowd. He stayed away from others, just like she did, barring obvious exceptions.

As far as her observations went, he never sought out these interactions. On the contrary, they often came to him, stopping him in the hallway or finding him out in the field to fulfill their needs. They talked about him afterwards in hushed conversations that erupted into giggling fits. Mentions of his skillful tongue and long fingers making them come made their way to her. No one seemed to mind sharing him.

One girl in gym class had recommended him to Rey out of nowhere, and, with a smile, described in great detail how one of their meetings resulted in her being unable to sit still for an entire day. Rey wasn’t sure what possessed her to ask, but she inquired about their use of protection.

“Don’t you ever worry about catching anything? Since you all seem to be passing him around like a used cigarette?”

The girl frowned at the allegation, which made Rey smile internally. She was not in the mood to mollify anyone at the moment.

“Well, I never really thought about it,” the girl’s tone turned to one of annoyance, “plus, he always uses protection. Always.”

Rey walked away from the conversation, hoping she gave off an air of indifference on the outside, while feeling a palpable sense of relief on the inside. It was at that point that she realized, in caring about his well-being and looking for him in crowded hallways or listening too intently on the stories about him and other girls being passed around in class, she became too invested. 

She noticed when he acted like he didn’t notice the furtive glances sent in his direction, but his pout gave away how bothered he must’ve felt. She noticed when a good song must’ve come on while he was listening to music out in the grass, because he smiled. 

She liked his smile. 

One day she noticed when he and Bazine climbed out from beneath the bleachers. Their clothes were disheveled and their faces were shiny from sweat. He didn’t smile. Not once while he adjusted his clothes, or ran his hands through his mussed up hair, or when Bazine gave him a chaste peck on the cheek before leaving him alone on the field.

She understood something about him then and there. It must’ve been for the same reasons she helped Mrs. Sampson in the library, or Elias on Friday afternoons - why he never told anyone no. How he must have craved that feeling of being needed, no matter how fleeting the moment. No matter how superficial the need was. How easy it was to please someone without having to show anyone your ugly side. And she also suspected, that just like how her loneliness never quite faded no matter how many times people made an effort to include her in things, his own loneliness never faded no matter how many people he’d kissed or pleasured or fucked. He didn’t smile in that moment because like every time before, he had been left alone. Because he was always alone.

At that moment, Rey wanted nothing more than to make him smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Give me a follow on [twitter](https://twitter.com/amethystmoon888), if you feel so inclined. :)


End file.
